I absolutely love Chinese food! I’m actually quite a fan of the spicy Szechuan dishes. But, if the truth be told, my favorite part of the meal is reading my fortune and eating the fortune cookie. When I started my love affair with Chinese food back in college my fortunes would say very wise and thought provoking things such as, “To achieve great dreams one must take great risks….or….When you plan ahead you are building success.”  These days, the fortunes seem a bit less wise. Here are a few of the ones I’ve recently encountered.

 

• If would be best if you would lay low for a little while.  Wait. What? Did I do something illegal? Is someone hunting me? How is that even a fortune?

 

 

• If at first you don’t succeed…try something harder. Okay….so if I fail at something easy then I should try something harder. That’s just dumb.

 

 

• Great! You’re ready for a party. Well, I am always up for a party, but what does that have to do with the price of tea in China.  Hahahaha! See what I did there?! That’s hardly a wise fortune, folks. I feel like I just got a text from someone who meant to text somebody else.

 

• Ignore Previous Cookie. No lie. I actually received this fortune in a cookie. But…by the way…how did they know I ate my husband’s cookie before eating my own? Maybe they aren’t as dumb as I thought.  

 

• You will be hungry in one hour.  Yeah, you’re probably right, cookie, but tell me something I don’t know.

 

• Time wounds all heels. Clever. Sad, but clever.

 

• You are not illiterate. True, but disappointing when I’m looking for my cookie to tell me I will become very, very rich in just a few short days!

 

 

• Do or do not. There is no try. So, I had to read it five times before it made any sense. I have a philosophical difference with this cookie. I can TRY and fail or I can TRY and succeed. In both cases….THERE IS A TRY!

 

 

• I cannot help you. I am only a cookie. My cookie needs an antidepressant.

 

 

• Want another fortune? Visit our website. Wow. This fortune is so awesome that I think I want to waste data and minutes of my life looking up another one. That was not even the least bit creative.  

 

Well now you can see why I have been so disappointed in my fortune cookies lately! I miss the good old days of thought provoking sayings and wise advice. I guess now I have to enjoy the slightly stale cookie for what it is….a plain old cookie.  On the bright side, now I can throw away all those little strips of paper that I’ve been collecting in my wallet. The blog is written. Their purpose in life has been fulfilled. Oh! I wonder if I can get a free-lance writing gig writing fortune cookie fortunes!

 

Listfully Yours,

Vicki